There’s finally a winner to the absolute worst Hallmark movie ever. Every Christmas season my roommate gravitates towards watching all those cheesy Hallmark romance movies that we all have a love hate relationship with. Whether its loving to make fun of them, or loving the feel good moments, and hating the layers of cheese or hating admitting that we secretly don’t - Hallmark Christmas movies are a staple in Norther America. Now I have never been a huge fan, but my roommate was watching one that actually seemed intriguing, so after seeing half while cooking I decided to sit down and join. It was a seemingly lovely tale about a widowed woman who had just gotten engaged after previously loosing her husband to the war there years prior. It seemed like a wonderful storyline of overcoming grief and allowing yourself to move forward in life. That was until the end and I am livid. L-IV-ID. I just watched the premier of “Christmas Bedtime Stories.” On one hand spoiler alerts are coming, but on the other hand if you relate to the premise of the film please read rather than watching as I suspect arriving at the end would do quite the damage. See throughout the film the main character has moments of thinking of her husband feeling like he is still alive somehow – something many of us who have experienced grief know quite well. She feels guilty for being engaged and wanting to move forward with her life. This too is something that many windowed individuals experience. The film seemed to be exploring the natural grief process and layers of complexity that come with it. But as the film draws closer to the end, having these layers of guilt and confusion regarding her deceased husband leads her to end the relationship. Sure this could be an acceptable element as some people find that they do need more time to process, however there seems to be no real basis to this, or at the very least it is extremely surface level. True the couple has differing views on where to live and where to travel for the honeymoon, but these are all basic things even the healthiest of couples has to sort through. But it is what happens next that has me pissed off; especially as a life coach who has worked closely with those rebuilding their lives throughout grief. Suddenly the news mentions that a group of soldiers who were captured have been rescued. And a few scenes later her husband reappears, having been unknowingly alive all these years. Surprisingly, he easily recognizes their daughter, despite the fact that she is now several years older on the dance floor with a bunch of countless other children, and the child happily embraces him rather than having a level of uncertainty towards this now stranger. But why am I most pissed? Because people spend YEARS sorting through their grief and learning to move on. And in your happy ending it requires for the deceased to return? Hallmark what are you thinking? Firstly, what kind of disregard is that to all the family’s whose loved ones never return? Secondly, what kind of false hope is that to give young children who are watching who may have lost a parent to war? Thirdly, what the actual fuck Hallmark? How can you in our world when there is the war in Ukraine and everything happening in Iran and all of the many other layers of disruption to peace currently happening in our world right now, how can you have the balls to show this on television? So many people right now don’t know if they will ever have the chance to see their loved one again. And what began has a film showing the natural process of working through this reality, turned a sickening corner. What seemed to be a heartfelt film about processing and overcoming grief ends in a manner that is so impossible and so far from reality that it leaves hearts torn and empty and regretting their situation all the more rather than acting as an avenue for healing and forward growth. How dare you play this film. How dare you create it. How dare you. The level of damage that something like this can do to a person’s healing journey is unspeakable. I cannot believe that that just happened or that I wasted 2 hours of my time supporting this horrific films view count. What a twisted awful, heartless creation that completely lacks elements of trauma-informed care. I have worked with clients who have spent years processing their grief. Years exploring what it means to have images of someone gone pop into their mind and constant memories pointing them back to those moments. It takes so much effort and energy and intentionality to work through all those layers. And the solution you leave them with is that for a happy ending the person would need to return? What a misrepresentation of grief and the healing journey that is naturally a part of all our human lives. What about those widows who have done their best to move on and remarry? Now you have left them with a story that validates the sense of guilt they already struggle through. If you have lost a loved one please know that it is ok to have another romantic partner, or to build a deep friendship, or to appreciate another human being. It is FAR from replacing them. Every relationship is different and unique. It is okay to continue to connect to people. It will never replace their memory, but will build new ones that you can equally appreciate. And its ok! You are allowed to live life and connect to others. It’s a normal thing to do. Human connection is a basic human need – as essential as food or water. The ending of this film is a total misrepresentation of the grief journey. And I am appalled that this is the narrative we are choosing to feed by having this movie play on our channels. It’s not okay. It’s not okay to any individual who doesn’t know where a loved one is in this world right now. It’s not okay to any individual who has lost a loved one in war. It is not okay to any child waiting for a parent to return. This is not okay. It fails to uphold the stories and experiences of those who grieve. It fails to provide an avenue for healing or holding space for what is reality.
This is wrong. Oh so wrong. And at Christmas when we know that the holiday season is already so difficult for so many people. How could you do Hallmark? How? I could go on but I’m too angry. Perhaps I will dissect it with more clarity in the future. If you have watched this film and need a place to unpack the damage it has done or to process your emotions please reach out: [email protected] You don’t have to sort through it all alone.
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Life Coach Practitioner Katelyn Townsend helps individuals like you build enriched lives full of joy. Archives
December 2022
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